dudes.

yesterday was weird. I talked to someone about my mom's bullshit that she put on me. it felt alright to unload to an unknowing party. I need to feel less irritation towards my environment. after all, no one acts like that around me. I need to lay off.

I cooked and snuggled fatty against his will and was soon bored. I walked over to yurs and hung out. I was still bored. I feel so boooooored all of a sudden. I know why. but whatever. I'm trying to be in a better mood today. I just feel haunted with thoughts lately.

I need a hug.

really though.

hey, so this is how it is. I am stuck in this situation. still unknowing, even though I know what I want. I can't tell what is supposed to happen or what I'm supposed to do. am I to blindly feel my way through this? I have to overcome the idea that I have to work at this. to communicate. Im so lost. so confused. I feel like I should know. I've grown accustomed to not overanalyzing things to the point of irritation and further confusion. when I just let things happen I feel just as confused.

last nite I felt so alone. I've been listening to the same records on repeat. that's just how I feel. stuck in the same groove as the day before, but the time is different the air is different. the sense of belonging doesn't change though. I just want someone to connect to me the way I see connections in others.

disconnection hurts more than any thing I can think of.

the weight of love is something I crave so desperately I feel like I'm floating. I want to be closer to the earth through love. weighted down by thoughts of love, infinite.

guilty simpson//stress///dilla

I got this yesterday at 360. it's a must have. perfect melody. perfect words. everything is good about this. two paws up, son!

whatever.

I'm so tired today. I won't even tell you about what happened last nite because it's not worth it. I think it may have been worth it had it not been for what has become a pattern. a pattern that is completely laughable. I don't even know what to say.

it's raining this morning and it feels really good. I rode in this morning hoping to get out a funk I've been in and it didn't really do anything for me. I feel less thank thrilled at the thought of being out this week. I just want to sleep and think. I wish I could close my eyes sometimes and drift into the next week.

n2it.

Janeiro Jarel and Khujo Goodie are a remarkable combination as Willie Isz with their debut album Georgiavania. This combination seems completely out of the blue to most people that are familiar with their styles of music, but it is so very perfect! Janeiro Jarel is an amazing producer, whose music is from some crazy, funky hip hop space station. Khujo Goodie's style is almost on an opposite end of the spectrum from that. a very focused, deep look at issues with a firm delivery of word, his voice is pure and stands out among southern rappers moreso than many of that time. goodie mob was it. their combination sounds so good and janeiro jarel lend's Khujo Goodie some bounce. It's something that you can't really give a description that would justify this new sounds. we've been needing a new take on hip hop lately and I like what I'm hearing. Jarel always uses tracks that you wouldn't normally hear in the hip hop arena, well not necessarily but every song he uses works so well and khujo seamlessly projects his voice over the melodies. it's so good, super funky. I give this one two paws up.



I really also want to get Spinna's new album, Sonic Smash. Definitely maintaining his signature style that is super melodious and beautiful but adds a strong hip hop element. This is really welcomed as a change in style and Spinna is so amazing that he could probably produce any type of sound. this album gets two paws up.



two things I'm disappointed in, but not surprised. Georgia Anne Muldrow and Dudley Perkins. I feel bad, because I'm always on the fence about the music these two knuckleheads put out. I really appreciate 100% the work that GAM does for her work as well as other musicians, but sometimes when I buy her stuff I listen to it twice (once out of curiosity, the second time out of pity) and then shelve it for life. Dudley is on some other shit, that I have to really be in the mood for. Holy Smokes was entirely produced by GAM, which is dope too. on GAM's Umsindo the song "Roses" is also on Mos Def's new album, but on hers he is not on the track which kind of gives me the sads. I think I'm going to take the leap and get her album anyway, becuase it's super fonky and spacey and I can get into her stuff a bit more than Dudley. I give it one paw up.



Pick these up at 360 Vinyl!

mountain sitting.

we got to hang out at the top of mount hood forest this weekend. it was so amazing! it was on this gentle sloping hill that had soft ground cover all around us. kind of like sand. our spot overlooked the entire valley basically and at night we could hear the wind whipping through tree tops. it was all very magestic and beautiful. all of us had some pretty epic dreams through the weekend. the first nite they were all bad. the next nite most of slept a little better. erin had a dream that julia made a pinata which got stolen. when it was smashed open by ben there were condoms and wads of cash in it. ben got 28 clams. erin got the same.

we forgot to howl at the moon! lame.

the most lovely thing about the weekend were our in depth conversations about farts. I think we really have something there. we plan to make t-shirts and sell them on the side of the road. the one for napa, which I think Karen came up with, is 'I crop dusted Napa Valley' and have some kind of funny graphic to accompany the text. so epic, wouldn't you agree?

bruce was being really bossy this weekend. but it was cute so we gave him hot dogs and let him chase the flies.

also, we're going to start a blog on French toast, which will also moonlight occassionally as a fart information blog. just in case. for our French toast blog, we'll all be contributing our reviews in and around the Northwestern region of America. I think it's going to blow up. real talk.

another thing

this gives me the happies.

http://blog.urbanoutfitters.com/features/polaroid

polaroid style films will be back in effect asap! joyous joy. thank you dave bias for being so rad.

aaand we're back.

I don't know about y'all but I am ready for a break! I haven't been doing much, I guess, but I need to get out of here. there's stuff going on this weekend that I didn't really want to miss, but whatever. tonite there's rockbox, the standard party jams that we all love. the boys aren't able to do it next month because of musicfest, so Ill have to be without until october. a travesty. tomorrow evening is The Last Splash, fashion show, over at the swimming pool on portland blvd. kind of bummed I'm not going to be able to do that since Dan is spinning. oh wells. then sunday I think there will partytimes for birthdays. lots of things.

most importantly, and back to my original point, is that I'm going to be out of town. in the muthafucking woods! holla. we're heading to trillium lake tonite with a bottle of tequila, some bread and pb & j. maybe some beef jerky. I don't give a shit. so long as we get to traipse around in the trees and what not.

I splurged today. I know I shouldn't have, but I had to! before I would have spent my pennies on shitty clothes from forever 21. no more. I now think that I understand what it means to have those few extra bucks. now I can splurge on ocassion without feeling too bad about it. I went to 360 Vinyl with the intention of getting Sa-Ra's new album Nuclear Evolution: The Age of Love. It's so good!!!!! jeez. I wanted it so bad. I also really wanted rae and milton's 7" for M64. no dice what a bummer. for real. I ended up getting this promo album kezzy had by j. rocc called Syndromes 2. super funky, very jazzy. it's super duper fresh. then I also got illa j's Yancey Boys. I have been advised though to not 'really' listen to the lyrics. it might result in a hand to the face. you know, when you're shaking your head wonder 'why oh why!?'. anyway, i'm into it. spending so much time at home has brought me to over listening to my music! not that i'm sick of it, but I need something new. I can't wait to be not broke so I can spend all my grocery money on records.

I need to start making a list for this weekend. holla.

i like.

this is neat. I want to start doing stuff like this. for real. hopefully I can get some inspiration this upcoming term with the design class I'll be taking. I want my photos to go beyond that particular realm and into something that incorporates the images into design. no?

this is on wearenotyou's profile on behance. I can't stop going to that silly website. although I do love it. he has some other cool stuff on there too. http://www.behance.net/wearenotyou




oh my. we need to talk about this too:



real talk, anything animal related that looks fly as clothes belongs in my closet. seriously!!! okay then. on friday I'm getting that from karmaloop.

oooh. I'm also really liking David Neevel. He has some work up right now in stumptown, downtown called This. it's so nice! even though internets are in slowtown today I was able to get some photos of this exhibit. peep game.

ice cream social.

oh ya. last nite I made coconut ice cream. I made it with coconut milk, soy milk, a couple teaspoons of cinnamon, some coconut pieces, some dark chocolate pieces. it was crazy. like for reals. I wish I would have had popsicle thingies to put them. whateer. it was gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood. just sayin.

coco frio to tha dome.

today

I want to be in the river. drowning worries and replenishing spirit. i'm going to ride my bike somewhere far to hang out with old friends. don't know where yet, but there will be food and fancy drinks involved. how nice.

it's supposed to be hot today. I'm savoring every last minute of the heat. even though I think wearing a turtle neck is fun sometimes and I do enjoy wearing sleeves that go far below my wrists. I cherish every single moment of warmth. it helps me feel less alone. I can leave at night and not be cold-I can surround myself in the energy of the world and people around me, even though I always return to solitude.

seeing peoples eyes makes me happy. it gives me more purpose into thriving each day. even if I can't have their gaze for more than a moment it makes me feel nice. longing for that embrace.

I feel stupid.

sometimes I do things that I'd rather not. I'd rather not do them because I know what the outcome is going to be. usually it makes my stomach light as air at the thought, losing myself. losing it, I guess. I'm not pessimistic, just realistic. I do something knowing how my actions will be reciprocated and it just falls flat! so dumb. even though these things make me feel like a class act moron, I know it's just kind of conditioning my spirit or something. no one else thinks I'm an idiot because they are scenarios which aren't relatable to the public or my friends. thank christ.

this morning I was in a good mood despite my downfalls yesterday. I walked by the hoyt house. it smelled brisk. of fresh roasted coffee and broken green leaves on the ground. fresh and welcoming was the morning. the scents dancing in the air were playful and reminiscent. sitting on the porch with asami switching his tail. watching people go by. squirrels in the trees. life would mill about. I. complacent. even though it conjured up some happy memories, it also reminds me of how stagnant my life was. I miss so much and kept so little. sometimes I don't know if I made the right decision. then sometimes I remember where I am. I will never know.

today I'm going to stay home. maybe go to the roof. I want to feel the wind whip my hair about my face. I want to feel free from these thoughts of today and days lost.